even yesterday she enjoyed the cool breeze of fall along the park walking among the carnival of colors. but today she woke up in shivering cold, winter came in the darkness of night, chilling wind invading her stone house, trying to establish their mighty presence. Its gonna be a magnificent white winter. Never before she waited for winter this much. what promise does this winter bear this time?
has the aloneness started to bother her? the shivering cold does try to remind her, like her old mother or any other overly loving relatives. G gave out a little laugh. but she is so far living peacefully. a silent maid and herself with her books and music and movies, she is content. time to time she has to visit the factory though, but that’s a nice outing she gets. the mountains, and hovering clouds and the road which seems like it will lead to another world. but that always ends in her factory. she laughs again, she seems to be in a good mood today. isn’t she always?
Its such a soft white morning, the icicles on the porch roof are sparkling beautifully. The outside seems to so inviting, the snowing paused a little, the air is light and crisp. in the warmth of a hand woven shawl, a stroll would feel good. but she is in a lazy trance, not feeling to getup from the bed.
the maid just came to give her coffee and breakfast, as G didn’t went down to the dining room. ahh the flavor of the freshly crushed Brazilian coffee just made the morning. she adoringly remembered the friend who bought this for her last winter. that was an enchanting winter, not so white, not so chilled but it was a surprise. the aroma of the coffee drove the laziness from her bones away. she stepped down, touching the floor in her bare feet, she shivered again. Ahh she needs to be in habit to wear socks, which is a huge overhead for someone as disorganized as her. putting on some cloths over night dress, she took the coffee and started for the living room, ignoring the meaningful glare from the maid for skipping her breakfast.
climbing down the stairs, each step was talking her to last Christmas, the day she first met her long time pen friend. its good memory to reminiscent. she sat by the window in the living room. the room is almost bare, some photographs she took are hanging in the wall, one divan which she is seating on and her guitar not far from the fireplace. she is feeling quite airy today. her own house feels new to her, like she is savoring everything with the charm of the first time. like its not her, she is just a visitor. she is a visitor, she doesn’t belong here, anywhere in that matter. After graduation, she worked here and there. her uncle left her a factory in Sialkot, but she was an engineer, so didn’t join there. Lived her life a little more, or so what she thought. but other than the few old friends she didn’t gain anything in those years, day and night working a routine!! she got bored in a few years and came to Sialkot. all she does is going to the factory 2 or 3 times a week. People here respects her as the niece of the uncle, and seldom bothers her. so its a peaceful life, time to time mails from her old friends and occasional visit spice up the rhythm. but that’s all, there is no orchestra here, everything is like a mellow symphony, a solo or a duet at best, rarely a quartet. this place is near jammu, so quite the winter every year, wonderful fall. She loves it here, which she never though before coming here, she always hated winter.
suddenly the lights got dimmed outside, looks like its gonna be snowing again. Perfect for some cracking wood. She startled at maid’s call for her bath. Asking her to lit up the fireplace she went on, the musky aroma of lavender and rose mixed with the mist hovering over the tub is going to take her to a heavenly place.
Nothing feels like a warm bubble bath, anytime of the year, to her. She feels as crisp as the morning air. Coming to the living room, the whole space filled with warm light from fireplace, the perfectly seasoned pine wood and the scent it creates, she found the room to be transformed. Its like she entered in an enchanting land. Her senses seem to be highly elevated today, the heat from the wood felt so wonderfully warm on her freshly bathed skin. She suddenly felt a sharp sadness. the smell of pine and her mixed odor from bath are trying go back to past. She felt so weak! She found her usual lunch in front of the divan, mixed fruit and toast. She called for the maid and asked to server her red wine, that wine from last December.
The maid was startled, her mistress seems to be in one of those episodes now. she was looking so airy cheery so far, gloomy weather does have a grip on her mistress, otherwise she wouldn’t ask for the wine her friend last December brought for her. She didn’t see the friend, just knew mistress was very happy, she looked all rosy and peachy. she even gave her off the day her friend came. She only experienced her lingering delightfulness after that day for several weeks. Mistress then told her to nicely preserve the wine, only to server in dire need. Looks like its one of those days.
G sat still on the divan, like if she moved something will break inside. Why she feels like this. what happened suddenly? There is a different beat in her heart, an unknown rhythm. she picks up the wine and through the glass looked at the fireplace. and she keep on staring. last winter there was a nice Tibetan rug there in front of the fireplace, two glasses and a friend. G closed her eyes and she still can hear the music from that day.
He came after canceling like forever. she didn’t think she will ever get the chance to meet her such an old friend, a friend through movies, books and history. The common interests brought up a beautiful, unrealistic friendship. It had a flare of pure romanticism. and somehow that kept them from meeting in real time for like 10 years. But he was there, without any occasion, with some wine, coffee and as usual some books. He came to see her all of a sudden last December. He was so natural as if he was so used to here, hearing from her he found her house quite at home. A small laugh escapes her lips. He was behaving like the host. He came in the afternoon. A quick peck on her forehead and he asked whats in freeze. He cooked her dinner, wonderful lemon chicken with bread and hearty french onion soup. ahh he was not her to keep, just like she wasn’t for keeping either. G can’t light up the fireplace after so many years, always her maid does that. that day she tried a lot and had much laugh about her lacking. He later lit it up and asked for anything to place in front of the fireplace, he ended up laying all her cushions on the rug. There were pine log, pine cone and sweet grass in the fireplace that day. He asked for sage but she discarded it and used sweet grass. He later loved that most. they had their dinner in front the fireplace. After dinner he took off her guitar and started playing. She felt the beauty of their friendship on her skin that day, everything they did, was fun without any influence, they were light and feathery, no bound, no expectation, no disappointment. He played his favorite songs, some spanish, some polish and some english. not all of them were her favorite but she enjoyed them none the less. they lived there and then, they savored everything, the warm lights, the heat of the logs, the dinner, the music and each other. they adoringly tasted everything, with their everything. So pure, so close to core, so much transparent emotions. there was no past, no promise for future, it was a once in a lifetime symphony. a spunky tune filled that evening and that night. They parted in silence, a smile and a touch were conversation enough.
She wasn’t supposed to sad, why she is sad, the fireplace is there, the smell in the air is fresh, her guitar is shining in the ambient light … she has all she needs there. Her friend isn’t supposed to be here. She isn’t to miss anybody. she stared hard at the fireplace, having an intense conversation with the flames. They are here with her, the faceless lovers are always here. isn’t it, she lives with them? they adore her, fills her with wonderful aroma, plays with her skin. Tears spills off her eyes. hugging herself she started crying like a baby, after so long. She let out all that were building inside her. her being alone can’t be ruined, she is addicted to it. She eventually stops crying, she gets up and goes to sit in front of the fireplace with the lustful red wine in hand. Bach keep on playing on the background.
